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Love—the kind we write about, dream about, and long for—is often described as unwavering. Unconditional. As if love should persist through pain, through neglect, through the slow erosion of self.
We are taught that real love endures. That if it breaks, it was never love to begin with.
But what if love—real, sustaining love—requires conditions to exist at all?
What if love without boundaries isn’t love, but something far more dangerous—something that drains, depletes, destroys?
I once believed love meant staying. No matter what.
I watched people I admired—people who loved deeply—give and give past their breaking points. I watched them absorb disrespect and disappointment in the name of devotion.
Friendships where one person bore the weight of connection while the other simply received.
Family bonds upheld out of obligation rather than mutual care.
Relationships where trust had been shattered, yet one heart remained open, believing love was meant to withstand the damage.
And then one day, I stopped. Not because I no longer loved, but because I finally understood:
Love is not meant to be unconditional.
The Myth of Unconditional Love
We speak of unconditional love as though it is the pinnacle, the gold standard. But what does unconditional love look like in the raw reality of human relationships?
A partner forgives their love who shatters the trust, time and time again, because they believe real love withstands damage.
A child, now grown, still answers the phone to the parent who belittles them—because they are family.
A friend keeps giving, keeps showing up, keeps making space for someone who has never once returned the favor.
They call it love.
I call it self-betrayal.
Love that requires nothing in return is not love. It is martyrdom.
But if love is meant to be something that sustains, rather than erodes, then it must be built on more than sacrifice. It must have a structure that allows it to remain intact.
Love Has Boundaries, or It Ceases to Be Love
There are conditions that must exist for love to remain intact, for it to be nourishing rather than depleting. These are not restrictions; they are the very structure that allows love to breathe, to expand, to exist without harm.
- Respect: Without it, love is manipulation. It is control masquerading as care.
- Trust: Without it, love is paranoia. It is the endless task of piecing together what’s true and what’s been shattered.
- Reciprocity: Without it, love is labor. It is one person carrying the weight of connection while the other simply benefits.
- Safety: Without it, love is damage. It is wounds disguised as devotion.
Conditions Do Not Weaken Love—They Protect It
People will say that if love has conditions, it isn’t real.
But love without conditions is love without protection. And love without protection doesn’t nurture—it consumes. It turns into obligation, performance, and the slow unraveling of who you are.
I have seen love that endures all things.
And I have seen what is left of the person who endures it.
The Hard Truth About Love
Somewhere, right now, someone is loving another person beyond the point of their own exhaustion. Holding on, not because they are cherished, but because they are familiar.
And maybe they will keep enduring.
Maybe they will call it love.
Maybe they will believe that suffering in silence is proof of their devotion.
But one day, when they are drained past recognition—when they look in the mirror and see only a shell of who they used to be—an unbearable truth will whisper itself to them:
“You were never hard to love. You were just loving someone who never required themselves to be gentle with you.”
And that truth will sit in their throat like glass.
Because they will realize that all this time, they have been fighting for a love that was only ever teaching them how to abandon themselves.
And in that moment, they may reflect on one of the hardest choice they will ever make will stare them in the face.
Stay and keep breaking.
Or leave and finally heal.
The choice will hurt either way.
But only one path will set them free.
Thank you for reading and visiting the blog—I’m grateful to share this space with you. The accompanying design by Vibe Graphix adds a thoughtful touch to this message. Take what resonates, let go of what weighs you down, and embrace your journey toward clarity and freedom. 💛