For much of our younger years, life is defined by doing. It’s a time when responsibilities pile up—building careers, raising children, taking care of aging parents, and managing day-to-day demands. We find ourselves in a constant cycle of movement, trying to balance everything. And while much of this doing is a choice, it often feels like an obligation. There comes a time, though, when we begin to transition into something different—something quieter, more reflective, a time when we can simply be.
The Six-Year Stretch: Juggling and Doing
I can vividly recall a specific stretch of time in my life when I was consumed by doing. As a single parent, I decided to return to college to complete my undergraduate degree, hoping to create a better future for myself and my son. It wasn’t an easy decision, especially since my son had just skipped a grade and entered high school directly from 7th grade. He needed my support, and I had to balance my own academic journey with being present for him during this crucial transition.
At the same time, I was working full-time. I commuted 25 miles each way to a hospital call center. The work was honest, and I was grateful for it, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t where I was meant to stay. I felt that there was something more for me—something beyond the walls of that call center. It wasn’t about looking down on the work; it was about seeing my life differently, knowing I had more to offer and more to experience. But at that moment, it was what I had to do to keep moving forward.
Then, in the last year of my undergraduate program, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The news was devastating, but I didn’t have the luxury of slowing down. I took on caregiving duties for him while still attending school, supporting my son, and working full-time. Each day felt like a juggling act, where the stakes were incredibly high.
When I graduated, I thought I’d finally be able to catch my breath. But that summer, my father passed away. Rather than processing my grief, I buried myself in more doing. I enrolled in an MSW program, convincing myself that moving forward and staying busy was the best way to cope. Halfway through the program, I relocated with my son, adding another layer of transition and responsibility to an already overwhelming situation.
I remember pushing through every day, often feeling isolated in my quest to become something more, to make it all work. There was no time for self-reflection, no time to sit with my emotions. I was constantly doing—managing work, supporting my son, pursuing my education, and taking care of my father until the very end. And yet, I often felt like I was barely holding it all together.
The Emotional Weight of Doing
That six-year period was defined by doing. Every day felt like an uphill battle, filled with tasks and challenges that required immediate attention. Emotionally, I was drained but didn’t realize it because I was so focused on getting through the day. When we’re caught in the phase of doing, there’s always something that needs to be done next. Whether it’s caregiving, career-building, or managing family life, we find ourselves consumed by responsibilities that leave little room for emotional reflection.
There were times when I questioned whether I could continue to handle it all. The demands were heavy, and the emotional toll began to stack up. But I couldn’t afford to stop. Doing became my way of surviving, a mechanism that kept me moving forward even when I felt completely depleted.
The Transition: Moving from Doing to Being
It wasn’t until later, after my son grew older and more independent, and after I finished my degree and found stability in my career, that I began to transition from doing to being. For the first time in years, I wasn’t running from one task to the next. The constant demands of caregiving, academic pressures, full-time work, and single parenthood started to fade, and I found myself in a new space—one of stillness.
At first, the stillness was uncomfortable. After years of running on autopilot, being in the quiet felt unnatural. I had spent so much time doing—pushing through grief, supporting my family, striving for my goals—that I didn’t know how to sit with myself. It felt as though I had been surviving on momentum, and when the motion finally stopped, I wasn’t sure what to do with the stillness. But as time passed, I began to embrace this new stage of life, recognizing that I didn’t need to be constantly in motion to feel valuable
Gracefully Letting Go
As I transitioned into being, I realized that many of the roles that had once defined me were beginning to fall away. I was no longer the sole caregiver for my father or the mother juggling a child through school transitions. My career had stabilized, and I was no longer the student pursuing the next degree. These roles had shaped me, and for a long time, they were the foundation of my identity. Letting go of them felt strange at first, but I came to understand that this wasn’t about losing parts of myself—it was about making space for new experiences and new ways of being.
I’ve learned to extend grace to myself in this transition. I’ve let go of the need to constantly do and allowed myself to just be. I’ve also learned to offer this same grace to others, recognizing that we’re all navigating our own transitions, and that we all carry the weight of past roles and responsibilities.
The Freedom to Be
As I transitioned into this new phase, I began to feel a sense of emotional freedom that had eluded me during those busy years. I no longer felt the need to rush or to constantly be productive. I learned to sit with myself, to reflect on what I had gone through, and to appreciate the person I had become as a result of it all.
I remember the first time I truly embraced being. I sat outside one evening, watching the sunset. There was no agenda, no list of tasks to complete, and no pressure to move. I allowed myself to sit in the quiet, appreciating the moment for what it was. After years of pushing, striving, and doing, I had reached a point where I could let go. The transition into being was not something I had earned through accomplishment—it was a natural, gentle unfolding, a space that opened up once the doing was no longer necessary.
The Gift of Being
The transition from doing to being isn’t about arriving at a destination. It’s about learning to appreciate where you are, who you’ve become, and the journey that brought you here. It’s about allowing yourself to rest in the knowledge that you no longer have to prove your worth through constant action. Being offers emotional freedom, a sense of peace, and the grace to appreciate life as it unfolds.
Being is not about inactivity; it’s about emotional freedom. It’s about giving ourselves permission to exist as we are, to live in the moment, and to honor the years of hard work that brought us here. It’s a stage of life where we can finally breathe, knowing that we’ve done enough—and that now, we can simply be.